Potionsmaster, interrupted
by Rosaroes Crouch
Summary: Severus is – once again – unpleasantly surprised by some very disturbing things. Fluff humour slashyness.


esp. written for fanfiction contest at lumosdaily.

**Potionsmaster, interrupted**

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Severus growled silently as he threw the pink-coloured and scented piece of paper away. Where did people _come up_ with these things? For Salazar's sake – he was the moody, frustrated – yet brilliant – potionsmaster, not some sort of male model. But for reasons unknown, certain disturbed individuals looked upon him as if he were the best thing since jockstraps.

Severus detested unwanted attention – as if he would ever welcome the thought of arrogant, stupid and good-for-nothing men to woo him. He pressed his lips together in anger, walked over to the crumpled piece of pink parchment and grabbed it. There was one thing he hated more than mushy love letters and that was litter in his chambers.

He quivered with the opposite emotion of delight when he remembered some of the phrases in the letter.

_Whenever I think of those lips of thine _

_I can barely abstain from a kiss_

_upon tempting lips oh so divine_

_it were pure bliss!_

Poetry – unless for academic purposes – was something he detested just as much as messy dorms. With a bored sigh he threw the note against the door, hoping it would hurt its owner as much as the parhcment.

"Professor?" The door opened slightly, revealing a dark brown haired girl dressed in Slytherin pyjamas. She noticed the barely identifiable object – that once had been a letter – on the floor.

"Hm – yes. Pansy?" Severus thanked all ancient gods that it wasn't one of his 'admirers'.

"I'm very sorry to bother you at this time of night, but – well, I've stumbled upon something I thought I'd better report to you." Pansy raised an eyebrow when she picked up the note. Why did Severus have something _pink_ in chambers?

"Seat yourself, if you please." He sat himself down in one of his brown leather seats and gestured Pansy to do the same.

She still had the pink parchment clenched in her hand, wondering what it was and why it was here.

"Give that to me, unless you wish to expel your dinner," he muttered and he held out his hand.

"Don't mind me asking professor, but what is it?" Her cheeks flushing pink of shameful curiosity as she lay the crumpled note in his outstrechted palm.

Severus waved her remark away. "Lockhart," was all he said.

Pansy was not stupid, but this didn't add up.

Severus saw her questioning look. "The man has gotten the strangest idea stuck in his head. Namely that he has a crush on me – which he desires to express in the most disturbing ways. Hence the crumpled _pink _letter. It's poetry." The corner of Severus's mouth twitched.

"Now, Pansy, why was it you wanted to see me?"

She shivered. "Well, it's this. As you of course know, I am a prefect – which means that I am allowed to bathe in the prefect's bathroom. But when I entered this evening – wanting to relieve myself of my stressful life – I stumbled upon something rather _disturbing_."

Severus grimaced at Pansy's final word. She too had experienced events that made her stomach churn? He nodded for her to continue.

" It was Draco, sir. He was there already – but he was not alone!" Pansy cried out.

She grabbed something out of her pocket and held it up for Severus to see.

"And I found this!"

In Pansy's hands lay two pieces of cloth, one green and one red. With a look of disgust on his face Severus held the first item up – only touching it with the tip of his fingers. The Slytherin crest was visible on the fabric, which appeared to be a pair of boxers.

"Then this must be…" Severus held up the red one with his wand.

Pansy shrieked.

Severu's face turned even more pale than it usually was.

There, on one of the butt cheeks of the red pair of boxers was the embroidered Gryffindor logo.

"Not again," Pansy whispered.

Severus raised an eyebrow and dropped both pieces of underwear.

"He told me it was over. He promised," she said weakly.

"What? Who?" Severus demanded.

"Draco. Harry," Pansy mumbled.

"Potter? What has he got to do with this whole business?" The anger showed on Severus's face.

Pansy's eyes drifted to the heap of red boxers on Severus's desk.

"Oh," the potionsmaster realised – taken aback. This was surely almost as disturbing as his love letters and poetry. He shook his head. What was the world coming to? Gilderoy obscenely obsessed with _him_, Malfoy shagging Potter and Pansy in pyjamas!

"It's a good thing you broght this to my attention." Although I find it gravely disturbing, he added mentally.

Pansy sniffed. "Thank you, professor." She smiled.

Severus felt sorry for her – not much, but just a little and that was enough.

Pansy had remained a loyal friend to Draco all this time and now she'd stumbled upon his secret. Severus wondered why the boy had kept it from her in the first place. He knew she would've never told anyone. That's why this had hurt her so much.

Suddenly, he got an idea.

"I have something you might like," he said, his finger raised in the air. He walked to his desk, opened a drawer and pulled out something green.

"Here," he muttered and pressed it firmly into Pansy's hands.

Hopefully no one would ever find this out, otherwise they'd think he had turned soft.

"Oh, professor!" Pansy whispered, clearly touched. "It is – it is…" She was lost for words. "Thank you!" She smiled gratefully.

Severus couldn't surpress a small smile himself – seeing Pansy in her pyjamas and clutching to his little gift.

He'd never thought that that would come in handy. Secretly he had bought it for himself once, suffering from temporary insanity and blinded by loyalty for his house. At least – that was his excuse. Severus Snape, potionsmaster of Hogwarts, would not want to be seen purchasing the cutest snake plushy – a beany baby no less. Not that he knew what that meant, he had only felt the softness of its green skin and the black eyes begging him to take the little snake home. He _had_ taken him home – and stuffed it into a drawer in his desk. From time to time, he'd look at it, pet it and smile.

Pansy was still stroking the little green snake and smiling.

He coughed.

She looked up and blushed.

"Sorry professor, I'd better leave."

"Yes, you should." Severus nodded.

Pansy turned around to the door and left Severus alone.

He bit the corner of his lip, deciding what to do. Without thinking he grabbed a quill and a piece of parchment and started writing.

_Oh Gilderoy – why arth thou Gilderoy?_

**Credit**  
Lockhart's poem was inspired by Lord Byron's love poetry.


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